How do we get here?
Through which tunnel
By which road
From what airport
In what car
Who did MapQuest to send us to where we are
Where were the turn lefts and turn rights?
Who operated the stop lights?
Where the hell was the crossing guard?
When the chaos started to zoom
Where did it say take this exit?
Damn I’m lost again
Feelin out of control
Did I miss the traffic report that said?
“This life still under construction”
How did I get this lost?
Not even knowin where I been
Is that the same dilemma I just went through?
Okay I’m not gonna panick
Just stay cool and calm
But it’s kinda hard with this sweat in my palm
Do I know where I’m going?
Should I asked someone
But I look cool like I got all the answers
Humiliation is no fun
Man this isn’t funny
This don’t look so good
Gotta find a way out
Can’t repeat this again
Okay, calm, focus, and listen
To the Ancestors that have already been
I WILL FIND MY WAY
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Reflection
It is very hard to swallow the fact that for as long as you can admit in being control of your own life, apart from your parents nurturing and care taking, that you were not in control at all. Its even more difficult to move from that state into a state of self-awareness, humility, and to find the strength to proceed with your life’s journey.
So many mistakes, so many missed opportunities, so many lives affected by the decisions I made in this arrogant state. Where do I begin to continue. I don’t have a starting or ending point. For the first time in my life I don’t have an answer, don’t know where to get the answer, can’t cheat, can’t search the Internet, I have no reference at all. I do not know who this person was I portrayed. Seeming so real at times, I don’t even know my true character. Am I as strong as I portrayed, or am I equally or greater a weakling? So many doubts, so many questions, I feel like an infant in a conscious adult state. I know a character trait that is real, and very easy to flow, and that is writing. I have to find a focus on this situation, all that I thought I was living for (my children) was all a phausaud. Not saying that the journey thus far was a complete waste. Just that the main struggle and its purpose was not fully paid attention to. I never blinked at hard times, I always knew everything happens for a reason, I just did not engage struggles true purpose. Once the hard time had passed I thought I had accomplished defeat, not knowing the same struggle was right around the corner, just wearing a different hat. By not paying close attention I didn’t recognize the disguised dilemma. And proceeded to engage it as struggle (which is necessary, I thought) to prosper. What a Fool, what a Fool, what a Fool.
Identification of such an ordeal is not an easy pill for anyone to swallow. Getting it down is the hard part. Knowing now that I can make my struggle mean something is my motivation. Visiting once again familiar paths, I am more aware and conscious, even when it seems I am not. Striving now to enhance this experience so that it will make a progressive change and difference in my life and to the lives that are affected by my existence. I am determined to accomplish this task. Struggle has never been a burden for me, recognizing its true meaning was my dilemma.
So the journey begins, again. The beginning is the end, the end is the beginning
So many mistakes, so many missed opportunities, so many lives affected by the decisions I made in this arrogant state. Where do I begin to continue. I don’t have a starting or ending point. For the first time in my life I don’t have an answer, don’t know where to get the answer, can’t cheat, can’t search the Internet, I have no reference at all. I do not know who this person was I portrayed. Seeming so real at times, I don’t even know my true character. Am I as strong as I portrayed, or am I equally or greater a weakling? So many doubts, so many questions, I feel like an infant in a conscious adult state. I know a character trait that is real, and very easy to flow, and that is writing. I have to find a focus on this situation, all that I thought I was living for (my children) was all a phausaud. Not saying that the journey thus far was a complete waste. Just that the main struggle and its purpose was not fully paid attention to. I never blinked at hard times, I always knew everything happens for a reason, I just did not engage struggles true purpose. Once the hard time had passed I thought I had accomplished defeat, not knowing the same struggle was right around the corner, just wearing a different hat. By not paying close attention I didn’t recognize the disguised dilemma. And proceeded to engage it as struggle (which is necessary, I thought) to prosper. What a Fool, what a Fool, what a Fool.
Identification of such an ordeal is not an easy pill for anyone to swallow. Getting it down is the hard part. Knowing now that I can make my struggle mean something is my motivation. Visiting once again familiar paths, I am more aware and conscious, even when it seems I am not. Striving now to enhance this experience so that it will make a progressive change and difference in my life and to the lives that are affected by my existence. I am determined to accomplish this task. Struggle has never been a burden for me, recognizing its true meaning was my dilemma.
So the journey begins, again. The beginning is the end, the end is the beginning
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Tune In/Tune Out
***I found this is some of my writings - I like to go back and read them sometimes - At this moment I needed to remember this one, it is so prevalent almost 3 years later and I need to enforce it in my life, now more than then - I hope it benefits you as well - Let me know - Lovewillsavetheday
There are rare moments when we tune into ourselves. There is actually a time when we feel like us. Though the moment before we had no idea as to who we are. The next moment we totally see ourselves. We flash back to the days of when, we see and recognize our bad decisions, we see the times when character was being built to its strongest point, we feel happy when things are bad, and bad when things are bad. Being human is a daily endurance of patience. There are moments we hear the voice of those that have passed on, re-iterating the lessons of life. There are times when we hear the wisdom of the current and wonder how they know our weaknesses. This moment of tuning in may last for a second or few minutes sometimes days and months. The important thing is to relish the moment because there will be a time when even this moment will just be a reflection.
It is only because of the stagnant environment that surrounds us that we are tuned out. It is the cultivation of those who wish to produce robots (humans that cannot think for themselves). It is this weakness that allows control. If we discipline ourselves to stay tuned in, to know self, to know where we came from and why we are here. To say no even when desire says yes, it is these moments that build character. When we are hungry for some flava because we have eaten the same food months on end, for survival, not for pleasure. It is why we exist, to experience, to live, to grow, and to pass on the wisdom.
I must find the strength to endure and the discipline to sustain, because if you have belief in nothing, you will fall for anything (credit to my Grandmother’s Wisdom). I do not wish to exist for NOTHING, I have given birth to a next generation, and lived to see the birth of the next generation after that, I CANNOT exist for nothing. This life, this time around MUST have significance. If these eyes that I use to see do not see victory, then I pray my spirit to rejoice when I am nothing but a memory.
On this day July 31, 2007 I surrender to the creator. I surrender to my Ori (means head); I surrender 56 days prior to my 41st birthday.
This is a tune in moment as it is documented. I do not need a mirror to see me, and it is glorious. I do not need to pinch myself because I know I feel, I do not need to doubt because I am aware of greatness. There is even a tiny peace of mind in this moment.
I am a calm cool spirit, I only wish the best for my fellow human, I wish to offend NO ONE, and I have a simple peace in my soul. I pray for the well-being of all my family, friends and loved ones. May those who have lended a helping hand or a constructive thought be blessed a million times over for that simple good wish or prayer.
Let our enemies be demolished, and let us prevail on our good will.
This is good tune in moment I pray for the Ase to spread through the Universe.
Ase o
There are rare moments when we tune into ourselves. There is actually a time when we feel like us. Though the moment before we had no idea as to who we are. The next moment we totally see ourselves. We flash back to the days of when, we see and recognize our bad decisions, we see the times when character was being built to its strongest point, we feel happy when things are bad, and bad when things are bad. Being human is a daily endurance of patience. There are moments we hear the voice of those that have passed on, re-iterating the lessons of life. There are times when we hear the wisdom of the current and wonder how they know our weaknesses. This moment of tuning in may last for a second or few minutes sometimes days and months. The important thing is to relish the moment because there will be a time when even this moment will just be a reflection.
It is only because of the stagnant environment that surrounds us that we are tuned out. It is the cultivation of those who wish to produce robots (humans that cannot think for themselves). It is this weakness that allows control. If we discipline ourselves to stay tuned in, to know self, to know where we came from and why we are here. To say no even when desire says yes, it is these moments that build character. When we are hungry for some flava because we have eaten the same food months on end, for survival, not for pleasure. It is why we exist, to experience, to live, to grow, and to pass on the wisdom.
I must find the strength to endure and the discipline to sustain, because if you have belief in nothing, you will fall for anything (credit to my Grandmother’s Wisdom). I do not wish to exist for NOTHING, I have given birth to a next generation, and lived to see the birth of the next generation after that, I CANNOT exist for nothing. This life, this time around MUST have significance. If these eyes that I use to see do not see victory, then I pray my spirit to rejoice when I am nothing but a memory.
On this day July 31, 2007 I surrender to the creator. I surrender to my Ori (means head); I surrender 56 days prior to my 41st birthday.
This is a tune in moment as it is documented. I do not need a mirror to see me, and it is glorious. I do not need to pinch myself because I know I feel, I do not need to doubt because I am aware of greatness. There is even a tiny peace of mind in this moment.
I am a calm cool spirit, I only wish the best for my fellow human, I wish to offend NO ONE, and I have a simple peace in my soul. I pray for the well-being of all my family, friends and loved ones. May those who have lended a helping hand or a constructive thought be blessed a million times over for that simple good wish or prayer.
Let our enemies be demolished, and let us prevail on our good will.
This is good tune in moment I pray for the Ase to spread through the Universe.
Ase o
Friday, December 18, 2009
Well It's Friday.........
Well its Friday, not just any Friday but the Friday before Christmas. Though the vibe in the air is nice and cheerful, I can't seem to get into it. I put up lights, and a tree, and don't have anything major to complain about (at least not anything new) but its just not happening for me. This year has been a serious learning curve for me and my family. Trying to wind it all up with happy- happy -cheer -cheer- buy a whole lotta stuff you can't afford year, just is too fake for me. I would like to look at this year as a character building stage, I want to reflect on the negative and the struggles so they are lessons learned and not forgotten. Now don't get me wrong I don't want to walk around in depression with thought of ending it all - i just want what we have been and are going through to mean something. We need to make it through, so we can say damn it was hard and challenging but look where we are now. Just a thought for this morning - Tell me what you think..................
Lovewillsavetheday
Lovewillsavetheday
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Yes- Another Reason Already :)
I kinda forgot to mention in my reasoning (in the first blog) that my life has changed tremendously over the past five years. You see in 2004 I was diagnosed with Lupus, and unfortunately since then things have been topsy turvy in all aspects- I will definitely share more on that later I promise. Well anyway due to the Lupus I sometimes have great days (due to meds) sometimes bad days, and most time insomniac days and it is on these days that I will be most active. If you notice voids in my entries, its probably because things are not so great - but in any case always check in - It will be worth your while............. Yes pre-apology....
Until next time
Lovewillsavetheday
Until next time
Lovewillsavetheday
Greetings & Welcome - One of the Reason Why
One of the reasons I decided to start this Blog (and I am sure as clarity sets in there will be many more) is because I believe we have so much inside our heads and going on in our lives that there comes a time where we need to let it all hang out (so to speak). But seriously, I know I am not the only one who has moments of wisdom that come from an experience or intuition or bolt of lighting or whatever - but we feel the need to share it in some form or fashion. We need to write it, act it or speak it. Well I am definetly one of those people, and reaching middle age (not tellin what age) I just need to have a tool of expression- that not only allows me to vent and make more space in my brain, but maybe help someone else, and actually give me a purpose in this here life. So for now that is my reasoning- yes it is subject to change. I Welcome you and hope you enjoy!
Lovewillsavetheday
Lovewillsavetheday
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)